A story....
It is a story waiting to be told. No, I would rephrase it as "clamouring" in my mind to be told.
I celebrated the Varalakshmi Pooja yesterday and it was a significant event. Significant, not because it was my first time but it was an experience into which I put my heart and soul and the contentment that came along with it. I have to give you the history of this event and it's significance in my life.
Before I got married I was totally clueless about this pooja. It was not a part of our family tradition and I did not have any friends in whose house it was celebrated grandly either. So when I got married and this pooja got talked about frequently I realised it was a pretty important festival for my MIL. But I was not mentally prepared for the enormity of the rituals and tradition associated with this pooja and which was also thrust on me. I could not relate to most of them. So it was a half hearted, minimal involvement on my part , mentally raging against some rituals which did not make sense to me at all. It became a bone of contention between the two ladies. This annual event gradually began to mean to me - conflicts, inner anger, resentment and doing things which I did not believe in. Everything the opposite of what the pooja stands for. I started hating myself for not being true to who I am.
From resentment against the established norms, grew the rebellion. I came to a point where I rebelled against all that I did not believe it. So it was in some sense, a lot better than the initial years.
Then came a period of quite introspection. Did I hate the pooja itself or was it an ego clash or what was it that instilled so much anger in me ? To my surprise I realised that I enjoyed the core pooja replete with the Sanskrit mantras. The mantras made a lot of sense to me and the more I read about them, the more I could appreciate them. Essentially I did not like the frills attached to the core, which are man made and must have been tweaked by every generation for their convenience.
Having identified the problem, I realised that I needed the liberty to do what I believed in and what made sense to me, while keeping in mind the spirit of the festival. I wanted to live my dream and not someone elses'.
So this time, when I gave my 100 % to the pooja, the result was the contentment of having performed a task well and with sincerity. Simple tasks such as - a beautiful Kolam outside the house, shopping for little accessories for the Goddess, decorating the Goddess like I would decorate my daughter with flowers and jewels, waking up early to make the Naivedyam items, adorning the Pooja area with my silk sarees to give a nice backdrop, inviting my friends for Vethillai Pakku. Every task was performed with a lot of love and faith. This is who I am and it made me very happy just being true to myself.
I think this is what every generation does - adapting the customs to suit the times while trying to keep the spirit of the activity alive.
#posted by [ ranjani.sathish ]
very true.... every generation does adapt the rites and rituals to suit themselves.. the problem arises when one generation expects the other to agree to the same changes.... as u say, there are aspects of the puja I love, and I try to make the most of them since i live with my mil and do the puja with her..
Posted by
Anu |
12:18 PM
Your story comes from the heart. It touches the heart because of its universality. Could be the story of anyone who has had a different belief thrust on them, taking the route from anger to rebellion, to making one's peace with it to finding one's own balance for that belief, and making it one's own in this modified form. You have narrated it so well, with your characteristic simplicity, Ranjani!
Posted by
sandhya |
3:48 PM
Anu, I can see that you are able to relate very well to what I am talking about. Thanks for stopping by to comment here !
Sandhya, you have precisely summed up in a nut shell, what I have elaborated here. Thanks for your warm comment :-)
Posted by
ranjani.sathish |
6:56 PM
Hey Ranj - I just read this post. Very nice one. I understand how you felt/feel. Nice that you felt a sense of satisfaction this time around. Here somehow I find it less motivating because KB and B don't want to eat any sweets and KG will eat some..and B does not want me to make oily stuff except on his mom's devasam day when I make that kind of samayal. I am also afraid to call people here because it becomes all about the goody bag here. I just hate it. Too much pressure - what to give, how many people to call etc...
But I was happy to see you did it and feel so good about it.
Posted by
noon |
12:35 AM
very honest words ..Doing what you enjoy and enjoying what you do !
Posted by
Viji |
9:26 AM